Who Can You Coach as a Leader? Here’s the Truth

In this episode of the Leaders Who Coach™ Podcast, I explore an important distinction for leaders who want to use coaching skills at work:

  • Do you need permission to coach someone?

And equally important:

  • Do you need permission to use coaching skills in your everyday conversations?

The answer is not quite the same for both.

This episode is a useful reminder that coach-leadership is not the same as pure executive coaching. Leaders are not usually entering into formal coaching contracts with every person they speak to at work. But they are expected to support growth, performance, trust and better conversations as part of their role.

That means coaching skills become part of how they lead. Not something reserved only for scheduled coaching sessions.

Permission to coach matters

Formal coaching requires permission. If someone is working with an executive coach or leadership coach, there should be a clear agreement. The coach and client contract around confidentiality, goals, honesty and how the partnership will work.

That is important ethically and practically.

In the context of leaders who coach, the same level of formal written agreement may not always be realistic. Leaders are having many conversations every day with team members, peers, clients, bosses, suppliers and stakeholders.

But where you are entering into a coaching partnership with a direct report, it is still important to secure an explicit yes.

It may be verbal.
It may be simple.
But it should be clear.

That yes matters because coaching works best when the person is willing to be coached. It also shows respect, transparency and good intention.

Using coaching skills is different

The important distinction in this episode is that leaders do not need permission to use coaching skills in everyday conversations.

You do not need permission to listen properly.
You do not need permission to be present.
You do not need permission to ask a useful question.
You do not need permission to pause and let someone think.
You do not need permission to be curious rather than judgemental.

These are not only coaching skills. They are good conversation skills.

Some of the skills leaders can use anywhere: being present, asking simple questions, falling silent, listening for values, mirroring what someone has said and noticing changes in energy or posture. These are the skills that can turn transactional conversations into more productive and human exchanges.

That is such an important point. A leader does not need to announce, “I am coaching you now,” every time they choose to listen better. They simply choose to show up differently.

Permission to coach, yes. Permission to use coaching skills, no.

This is the clearest distinction in the episode.

Permission to coach someone? Yes.
Permission to use coaching skills? No.

That distinction helps leaders relax into the practice.

You can bring coaching skills into a meeting with your team.
You can use them in a conversation with your boss.
You can use them with a peer who is thinking through a difficult issue.
You can use them with a client who is trying to define what they really need.

You are not necessarily creating a formal coaching relationship. You are creating better conditions for the conversation. And that matters because many people rarely get space to think without being interrupted, judged or told what to do.

Most team members will welcome coaching conversations

Most direct reports will welcome the opportunity to be coached, especially when the coaching supports their professional growth, work challenges, peer relationships, collaboration, client conversations or anything that helps unlock their productivity.

But not everyone will say yes. And that is okay.

Some people may not understand what coaching is.
Some may not feel ready.
Some may not trust the process yet.
Some may not trust the leader enough yet.
Some may simply prefer another kind of support.

The important thing is not to make their decision feel career-limiting. If someone opts out, leaders need to be explicit that this is absolutely fine.

That does not remove the leader’s responsibilities around performance. If there is a performance issue, the leader still needs to address it appropriately. But they should not penalise someone for choosing not to enter a coaching partnership.

Respect the decision. Keep the door open. And continue to use good coaching skills in ordinary conversation.

Keep checking your own bias

One of the useful reminders in this episode is that leaders need to check themselves when someone does not want to be coached.

It would be easy to feel rejected.
It would be easy to make assumptions.
It would be easy to treat that person slightly differently without meaning to.

That is why Sehaam encourages leaders to check for bias in their behaviour.

Are you still giving that person opportunities?
Are you still communicating clearly?
Are you still supporting their growth in another way?
Are you still respecting their contribution?

Someone opting out of coaching does not mean they should miss out on development. It simply means the leader may need to find another workable way of supporting them.

Some people may not be coachable by you

Let's acknowledge a more difficult truth. There may be some people who are not coachable by you. That does not always mean they are uncoachable forever or with everyone. It may simply mean that the conditions are not right between you.

There could be many reasons.

They may not trust easily.
They may not feel safe enough to share doubts or concerns.
They may be struggling with something that needs professional support outside the workplace.
The chemistry between you may not be right.
They may have a private agenda they do not want to share.

None of that is fully in your control. A leader can create the invitation. They cannot force the openness. That is an important boundary for coach-leaders.

Your peers can benefit from your coaching skills

The episode then widens the lens beyond direct reports. Leaders can use coaching skills with peers too.

This is a powerful part of influence. The strength of peer relationships often matters most during growth, crisis, resource decisions, budget discussions and strategic moments.

When peers feel emotionally connected to you, they are more likely to trust your judgement and welcome your perspective. Using coaching skills with peers might mean helping them think through a difficult situation, listening without judgement or giving them space to clarify what matters.

But Sehaam also gives an important warning: Do not abuse that trust.

Treat those conversations as confidential, even if they have not asked you to. Do not use what you learn to gain advantage over them. That is where integrity matters.

You can use coaching skills with your boss

Leaders can also use coaching skills upwards. Senior leaders can be lonely. They may not have many spaces where someone listens without bias or judgement. A thoughtful question, a good reflection or a calm listening space can help a boss think more deeply about a decision or dilemma.

This is not about being manipulative. It is about being useful. And again, confidentiality matters. If someone senior shares something with you in confidence, treat that trust with care.

Clients, prospects and suppliers benefit too

The episode also makes a strong case for using coaching skills outside the organisation. With clients and prospects, coaching skills can help them think more clearly about what they need. That is often more valuable than simply telling them what to buy.

A leader or business owner who asks better questions can help a client define the real issue, explore the options and understand what will work best for their business. The same applies to suppliers and partners.

An example of a client who worked with a supplier over several months, giving feedback and helping them think through how to improve their offering. The supplier improved not only for her business, but for other clients too.

That is the wider value of coach-leadership. It improves the relationship and the outcome.

Final reflection

This episode is a helpful reminder that coaching skills are not limited to formal coaching sessions.

They are everyday leadership skills.

Listening.
Pausing.
Asking.
Reflecting.
Noticing.
Staying curious.
Letting people think.

Yes, if you are formally coaching someone, get permission. But do not hold back from using coaching skills generously in your daily conversations.

With your team.
With your peers.
With your boss.
With clients.
With suppliers.
With partners.
Even with family and friends.

Because time with someone who helps us think clearly is a gift. And leaders who can offer that gift consistently become easier to trust, easier to talk to and far more useful in the moments that matter.