Leadership stress grows in the spaces between what we feel and what we say.
It spikes when:
- We feel unheard by our boss or board.
- Our direct reports don’t deliver what we expect.
- We avoid conversations we know we need to have.
- We fear losing approval or influence.
- We’re exhausted, stretched, or simply running on empty.
When that happens, we slip into self-protection — what I call "the leadership lie.”
We lie to ourselves to cope: we avoid, delay, pretend, over-promise, or say we’re "fine." It works, for a while. But it distances us from our team, our values, and our clarity of thought.
Difficult conversations are never just about the words. They’re loaded with emotion — past experiences, guilt, doubts, fear, and ego.
That’s why so many leaders, even the most thoughtful and growth-minded ones, avoid these conversations or over-control them. It’s not weakness. It’s human.
Here’s the problem: avoiding the conversation doesn’t avoid the consequences. It simply delays growth — both yours and theirs.
Say hello to your ego.
Not the loud, arrogant ego we see in others — but the caring, well-intentioned one that wants to help, fix, and advise.
This ego is why so many leaders feel pressure to have the answers, solve the problem, and lead from knowing.
It’s also what drives stress, self-deception, and avoidance.
When you feel responsible for solving everyone’s problems, you carry the weight of every outcome.
But here’s the shift:
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"You don’t need to have all the answers.
You just need to be more present in the conversation."
In every Leaders Who Coach™ programme I run, I see this moment of realisation:
Leaders discover that letting go of ego — and learning to coach instead of fix — is the most liberating and impactful leadership skill of all.
When you put your direct report (or even your boss) at the centre of the conversation, you create space for them to think, reflect, and find their own solutions. That’s where growth happens — for both of you.
Imagine the ripple effect if every difficult conversation became a coach-leadership coaching moment instead of a stress trigger.
Here’s what our Leaders Who Coach™ graduates say:
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"It’s no exaggeration to say that LWC™ has transformed how I think about and go about my job. I’ve never felt so calm in any role. I’m confident in my purpose and value. Conversations with my team are more open, and barriers have disappeared — even remotely.” — Simon
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"I’ve learnt that listening deeply and creating space for others is a gift in itself. It’s transformed my influence." - Lizzie
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"LWC™ has changed how I coach — I now ask better questions and allow silence. The result? Deeper insight and stronger relationships.” — Kishor
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These are real leaders in real roles — transforming stress into self-awareness, and horrible conversations into moments of growth and trust.
Leadership doesn’t have to be defined by stress, lies, and avoidance.
It can be defined by curiosity, presence, and better conversations.
When you adopt a coach-leadership style, you:- Reduce your own stress levels.
- Build team accountability and trust.
- Create psychological safety and growth.
- Align leadership habits with your personal values.
- Discover blind spots and new ways to influence.
This is what it means to become a Coach-Leader.
If you’re ready to change how you lead — to move from stress and struggle to clarity and connection — then this is your next step.
🎙️ Or tune into the
Leaders Who Coach™ PODCAST — where I share practical insights, powerful questions, and real stories from leaders like you.
