Building Trust Through Honesty and Vulnerability

In this episode of the Leaders Who Coach™ Podcast,  I speak with Simon Curry, an experienced engineering leader and Leaders Who Coach™ graduate, about honesty, vulnerability, values and what changes when leaders stop trying to solve every problem themselves.

Simon describes Leaders Who Coach™ as a turning point in his leadership career. Before the programme, he thought he understood coaching. After the programme, he realised there was a deeper shift available to him: moving away from being the person with the answers and towards becoming the leader who creates the conditions for others to think, grow and solve their own problems.

This is a conversation about trust. Not trust as something vague or soft. Trust as something built through honesty, integrity, feedback, self-awareness and the courage to be human in difficult moments.

Values create an anchor

One of the first things Simon speaks about is the impact of the personal values work. For him, values became a way of understanding himself more clearly as a leader. They helped him make sense of moments in his career where things had felt difficult, frustrating or emotionally charged.

That kind of self-awareness matters. When leaders understand what is important to them, they are less likely to react from confusion or defensiveness.

They can pause and ask:

Why is this difficult for me?
What value is being challenged here?
What do I need to say or do in a way that still aligns with who I am?

Simon also uses values work with the people he leads. In one example, he describes helping an engineer identify his own values, which then became a useful reference point for future conversations and challenges.

That is the gift of this kind of work. It gives people a language for themselves.

Feedback is care in action

Simon also reflects on a moment from the Leaders Who Coach™ programme where he received direct feedback during a coaching practice session. The feedback was clear: he had been asking leading questions and stacking his questions.

It stayed with him.

Not because it was harsh, but because it was useful. He knew it came from a place of care. He knew it was being offered because Sehaam wanted him to become better. That experience shifted how he thought about feedback.

For Simon, feedback is now closely connected to care. If you care about someone’s growth, you need to be willing to tell them what will help them improve. Avoiding feedback may feel kinder in the moment.

But it can quietly deny someone the chance to grow.

Empowerment is not giving people your solution

One of Simon’s biggest leadership shifts was realising that he did not need to solve everyone’s problems. In fact, trying to do that became unsustainable as his teams grew.

He describes the difference between giving people responsibility and truly empowering them. Before, he may have given autonomy, but still been too prescriptive about how someone should solve the problem. After developing his coaching skills, he began to see empowerment differently.

True empowerment is helping someone solve their own problem.

It is not abandoning them.
It is not leaving them to figure everything out alone.
It is creating the space, asking the right questions, listening properly and helping them find their own way through.

That changes the pressure on the leader. And it changes the confidence of the person being led.

Listening changes the energy in the room

Simon shares a powerful example of a one-to-one conversation with an engineer who arrived visibly stressed, low in energy and under pressure.

Rather than jumping in with advice, Simon began with a simple question:

  • “What’s on your mind?”

Then he listened. Really listened.

He reflected back what he heard, helped the person organise their thinking and asked questions that allowed the engineer to explore the possible solutions himself. The result was striking. The person left the conversation with energy, clarity and a clear sense of what to do next.

That is often where coach-leadership is most powerful. The leader is not carrying the thinking for the other person. They are holding the space so the other person can find their own thinking again.

Honesty builds trust

A strong thread in this conversation is Simon’s honesty about what he knows and what he does not know. He talks about working with brilliant engineers and recognising that many of the people he leads are stronger than him in their own areas of expertise.

That honesty is liberating.

A leader does not need to pretend to have every answer. In fact, pretending can damage trust. Simon connects this to integrity. He is honest about where he has knowledge, where others are better placed to lead, and where he needs to lean on them for guidance.

That kind of vulnerability builds trust because it tells the team:

I respect your expertise.
I do not need to be the smartest person in every room.
We are here to work this out together.

That creates far more space for people to contribute.

Redundancy tests leadership values

One of the most human parts of the conversation is Simon’s reflection on redundancy.

He has experienced redundancy from both sides: as someone affected and as a leader supporting others through it.

He speaks honestly about how difficult it is for everyone involved. The people leaving may feel shock, worry and uncertainty. The people staying may feel guilt, fear and sadness. Leaders may feel the weight of difficult decisions and the emotional impact of affecting people’s lives.

In those moments, values matter.

Simon talks about wanting to be the person who delivered the news to his team, even when he himself had been made redundant. For him, that came back to care and integrity.

He wanted to show up in the way his values required.

That does not make the process easy.

But it helps the leader stay anchored.

Trust needs repair after difficult change

Simon also makes an important point about the people who remain after redundancy.

Trust may be broken. People may be questioning the organisation, their future, their workload and whether they are still safe. Leaders need to recognise that.

The work is not finished when the formal announcement has been made. There is repair work to do. Some people may want to stay busy and move on quickly. Others may need more time, more conversation, more reassurance or more clarity about what comes next.

This is where knowing your people matters.

A leader cannot assume everyone needs the same thing. They need to listen, ask, notice and respond to the person in front of them.

Clarity is better than bluntness

Another important theme is the difference between being direct and being clear. Simon reflects that earlier in his leadership career, feedback could feel stressful. He might feel the adrenaline of a difficult conversation before it had even started. Over time, his approach has changed. Now, he grounds feedback in facts, curiosity and care.

Rather than launching into judgement, he might say:

  • “I observed this.”

  • “Tell me more about what happened.”

  • “Help me understand your thinking here.”

That creates a different kind of conversation.

It gives the other person clarity, but it also gives them space. It allows the leader to understand before assuming. It makes feedback a route to growth, rather than a moment of threat.

Vulnerability sets the tone

Simon also talks about the importance of leaders being open about their own mistakes, limits and uncertainty. That does not mean oversharing. It means being honest enough to show that learning is normal.

When leaders can say, “I don’t know,” or “I got that wrong,” or “I need your help here,” they create more permission for others to be honest too. That is how psychological safety is built in practice.

People learn that they do not have to pretend everything is perfect. They can ask questions. They can admit uncertainty. They can learn without shame. The leader goes first. And that changes what becomes possible in the team.

Final reflection

This conversation with Simon is a reminder that trust is built through the small, consistent choices leaders make.

Being honest.
Giving feedback with care.
Knowing your values.
Listening properly.
Not doing all the heavy lifting.
Creating space for people to solve their own problems.
Showing up with integrity in difficult moments.
Admitting what you do not know.

Coach-leadership is not about being less responsible. It is about being responsible in a different way.

Not carrying every answer.
Not becoming the bottleneck.
Not hiding behind certainty when honesty would build more trust.

When leaders can be clear, caring and honest, people have more room to think, grow and contribute. And that is where trust begins to deepen.