And in the end? Nobody wins.
There are so many forces at play when we’re trying to listen — the message, the relationship, the history, the pressure, the pace.
And when life speeds up — a crisis hits, a change lands, decisions pile up — listening becomes even harder.
You already know this.
In those moments, your mind races ahead, your body tightens, and conversations start to feel like tasks rather than opportunities.
But here’s the quiet truth:
How well we listen in everyday moments is exactly how we’ll listen in high-pressure ones.
If you lead through change regularly — or you’re simply a human navigating other humans — listening isn’t a “soft skill.”
- It’s a survival skill.
- A strategic one.
- A leadership one.
Listening shapes how visible you are, how trusted you become, and how well you gather the information you need to make wise decisions.
- It’s not passive.
- It’s not quiet nodding.
- It’s a practice — an art — and one that you can absolutely strengthen.
Next time you’re in conversation — with a colleague, a client, a partner, even your child — try experimenting with just one of these:
- Listen without judging
- Listen without interrupting
- Listen for emotions beneath the words
- Listen for doubts (and the fears they point to)
- Listen for energy (and the hopes they point to)
- Listen for values
- Listen for tone
- Listen for stress
- Listen for where someone is stuck
- Listen for their natural communication style
- Listen for their priorities
- Listen for what you genuinely like about them
- Listen to understand their world, not yours
- Listen for how they might help you
- Listen for how you might help them
Good listening naturally leads you to good questions.
And good questions change everything.
Even trying just one of these can be eye-opening. You suddenly realise how much you’ve missed in past conversations simply because your mind was busy interpreting visual cues, planning your next move, or protecting your ego.
We all have a default way of communicating — a pattern that shows up especially when pressure rises.
A simple way to think about it:
Some of us are straight-talkers
quick, direct, impatient to get moving.
Some of us are storytellers
warm, expressive, adding colour and connection.
Some of us are harmonisers
gentle, inclusive, making sure no one is left out.
Some of us are perfectionists
careful, detailed, committed to getting it right.
Do you recognise yourself here?
Do you recognise your team? Your peers? Your family?
Every style brings something essential.
These behaviours aren’t random — they’re reflections of our values, our skills, and what we pay attention to.
And in a team, you need all of them.
If this sparked something for you — a little more awareness, a little more curiosity — I’ve created a set of questions for leaders who want to understand their teams more deeply and help them work together more smoothly.
Because when we listen better, we lead better.
And when we lead better, our teams hum.
If you’re ready to change how you lead — to move from stress and struggle to clarity and connection — then this is your next step.
🎙️ Or tune into the
Leaders Who Coach™ PODCAST — where I share practical insights, powerful questions, and real stories from leaders like you.
